Emotion and empathy

Emotion and empathy are two vital ingredients that can really add to writing and to reader involvement. A scene written without the reader being truly embedded in a character's viewpoint, feeling what the character feels, can be distant and non-involving.

To show you what I mean, here's a scene from Blue Gold in two versions. The first has all the action and speech but misses the emotional reactions of the viewpoint character, Aweserre. In the second version of the same scene, I've put back Aweserre's emotions. I think it's more immediate as a result.


Version one - without emotion:

Sweat ran down Aweserre’s fingers and he slithered and almost fell.
The second passageway ran upwards at a steeper angle than the first passageway ran down. The slippery paving stones had grooves cut into them, yet even with these footholds it was a very tough climb.
And all the while that they climbed, the pounding somewhere above their heads continued relentlessly.
Up ahead, climbing one-handed, Ramose seemed to have a rhythm going. He moved smoothly, black muscles glistening in the torchlight.
'Amazing,' breathed Ramose suddenly. 'Truly amazing.'
The priest shot out of the end of the passage. Torchlight flickered on the roof of the passageway as Ramose apparently straightened.
'Give me light!' called Aweserre.
A black arm, slipping towards him like a shadow, caught him by the scruff of the neck and lifted him out. He was set carefully on his feet.
'Look at this, 'Serre.' Ignoring the sounds of hammering that drifted and echoed through the pyramid like the sound of an angry sea, Ramose lifted the torch.
Aweserre sucked in a long breath and stared. They were in a huge hall, the like of which he had never seen before and doubted that he ever would again. As long as one of the smaller wings of his own palace at Avaris, with a central passage broader than a man's outstretched arms and a superbly executed corbelled roof, the whole room was a marvel.
One by one, his men climbed out of the narrow passageway and straightened. No one spoke.
Aweserre began to run up the smooth rise of the chamber. It was not the space which drew him but the lights which were emerging from the narrow corridor at the far end of the long hall.
The two Pharaohs, Aweserre and Sekenenre, were about to meet each other face to face.


Version two - with emotion:

I'm going to be sick, thought Aweserre. Sweat ran down his fingers and he slithered and almost fell.
The second passageway ran upwards at a steeper angle than the first passageway ran down. The slippery paving stones had grooves cut into them, yet even with these footholds it was a very tough climb.
And all the while that they climbed, the pounding somewhere above their heads continued relentlessly.
Up ahead, climbing one-handed, Ramose seemed to have a rhythm going. He moved smoothly, surprisingly easily for a man of his size in such a narrow space, black muscles glistening in the torchlight.
He's enjoying himself, thought Aweserre, taking in another gulp of clammy air. He was jealous of the priest's urgency: he felt only fear.
'Amazing,' breathed Ramose suddenly. 'Truly amazing.'
Pausing as though in wonder and then going forward again, the priest shot out of the end of the passage. Torchlight flickered eerily on the roof of the passageway as Ramose apparently straightened.
'Give me light!' bawled Aweserre, clinging desperately to one of the grooves cut into the steep and slimy paving.
A black arm, slipping towards him like a shadow, caught him by the scruff of the neck and lifted him out. He was set carefully on his feet, as though he were some squalling toddler. Deeply humiliated, Aweserre forgot about being sick.
'Look at this, 'Serre.' Ignoring the sounds of hammering that drifted and echoed through the pyramid like the sound of an angry sea, Ramose lifted the torch.
Aweserre sucked in a long breath and stared. They were in a huge hall, the like of which he had never seen before and doubted that he ever would again. As long as one of the smaller wings of his own palace at Avaris, with a central passage broader than a man's outstretched arms and a superbly executed corbelled roof, the whole room was a marvel.
One by one, his men climbed out of the narrow passageway and straightened - And kept on raising their heads, tilting astonished faces farther and farther back. No one spoke.
Perhaps this is what it feels like to be born, thought Aweserre. First the darkness, the cramping walls of the mother's vagina and then release and space. Here too, the arching stones of the corbelled roof seemed to hold them in a loose embrace, no longer suffocating.
Lifted out of his fear in a rush, Aweserre began to run up the smooth rise of the chamber. It was not the space which drew him but the lights which were emerging from the narrow corridor at the far end of the long hall.
The two Pharaohs, Aweserre and Sekenenre, were about to meet each other face to face.

If you ever have a scene that doesn't seem to be 'working', then putting more emotion into it by way of the viewpoint character could be the answer.

Best wishes, Lindsay
http://lindsaysbookchat.blogspot.com

Romantic Times 2009

Hi Everyone,


Down in sunny Orlando FL for RT convention. Meeting lots of people and learning a lot, which brings me to todays question.

How much of what you learn at conferences and conventions do you really remember when you get home. I mean it hectic and fun, but I'm taking notes because I know once my butt hits the plane seat for the ride home I'm not going to remember anything. Mostly because I've found out I'm not a good flyer. Getting on and taking off okay, Landing I want to barf each time.

Not that anyone needed to know that. Anyway I'm enjoying my time here.

Few editors and other authors have planted seedlings in my mind and I can't wait to get home and write. We're leaving Monday the 27th and should be back in Maine late that night.

Hope everyones having a nice spring so far,


Rita Sawyer
Giving You It All
Romance Passion Laughter
http://www.RitaSawyer.com

Are You Talking To Me?

Ever given up on reading a novel because you didn’t like it but didn’t quite know why?
Was the pacing slow, the characters flat? Or maybe the dialogue didn’t sound real enough.

My work’s been rejected for lots of reasons, but I’m happy to say I’ve never got negative feedback about my dialogue. I’d say that dialogue is probably what I do best. For me, what separates an okay book from a great one is natural sounding dialogue. If you keep getting feedback about poor dialogue, here are some tricks that have helped me.

Become An Eves Dropper
My background in psychology has given me a natural curiosity about listening in on people’s conversations. (Okay, I’m nosey too). But being nosey is an essential trait if you want to be a writer. Listening in not only garners ideas, but it lets you hear how real people talk and interact with one another. And what better way to create a great book than offering readers real characters that live on long after they’ve read the final page. My rule for dialogue, people shouldn’t only be reading what your characters are saying, they should be experiencing too.

Eves drop in the line at the supermarket, in the coffee shop…even next time you ride on a bus or a plane. Close your eyes and listen to how people speak. What type of words do they use? Do they use slang? Words or terms you haven’t heard before? And yes, it’s okay to write down snippets of conversations to use in future work.

Read Screenplays
When you watch a movie it’s hard to believe it was created from a script that was mostly dialogue. If you want to get a feel for top notch dialogue, buy a screenplay (try http://store.scriptbuddy.com/browse/screenplays/ and read through it. Even read it aloud with a couple of people playing various parts. Listen to the rhythm and how characters respond to one another.

Read the Good, The Bad and The Ugly
No, not the screenplay but if you want to create great dialogue you have to read both good and bad so you know the difference. So try this.
Pick a book, read through it until you get to a good chunk of all dialogue.

Did you like it?
What did you learn from it?
How did it add to the plot?
What did it reveal about the character who was talking?
What if you didn’t like it?
What was wrong with it?
Rewrite it yourself and see if you can improve upon it.

One of my favorite mystery writers is Peter Robinson. If you ever get a chance, pick up one of his books and study the dialogue. Even if Robinson didn’t write great mysteries, I’d read his books just for their natural sounding dialogue.

The Two Rules
Okay, I can’t close this blog without mentioning the two rules of great dialogue. Remember them and you’re 50% of the way to creating sparking dialogue. One, dialogue should further the plot. Two, dialogue should reveal something about the character who’s talking or one of the other characters in your novel. If you can achieve both with one piece of dialogue, you’re on a roll.
Next time you sit down to write, spend a few minutes going over the dialogue you’ve already created. Read it aloud, does it follow the two rules? If not, toss it out or rework it.

Susan Palmquist is the author of A Sterling Affair, a paranormal romance published by The Wild Rose Press. Death Likes Me and The One and Only both published by Hearts on Fire Books. And the upcoming paranormal romance, Sleeping with Fairies that will be published by Lyrical Press.
She also writes a monthly interview blog with writers and editors at Between the Lines.

Yet More to Add to Your "Avoid" List

I'm hoping you don't mind if I borrow from my own blog today in order to meet my requirements here. I'm a bit under the weather, but I feel this information is worth passing along no matter how many times we share it:

Posted today on Dishin' It Out:

Still more to add to your list of things to avoid as an author. For you readers out there...how many of these "faux pas" do you notice in the books you buy?

A fellow author and friend from my historical critique group, Jen Black, posted a very informative blog, making reference to another site where she found the original post. If you'd like to read the entire post, then visit Pat Holt's blog. I'm so glad Jen shared this.

In the interim, I'm going to borrow her "headers" and see how many I can apply to myself. I invite you to do the same is you're an author:

1. Repeats:
We all have favorite phrases we use in our writing, the secret is to avoid over-using them. Word echoes, especially when you use the same word within one paragraph warn of redundancy and are best avoided. Here's a silly example: John placed his glass on the table and gazed at Vanessa. Tipping her glass, Vanessa smiled over the rim and sipped her drink. When finished, she lifted her glass in a toast. John hoisted his glass into the air. Are we sick of 'glass?' I think this is one habit I've learned, but still slip into occasionally. Luckily, I have my critique group to help. Ask them and they'll tell you that I drive them crazy in my critiques of their work with highlighting echoes.

2. Flat Writing:
I'm not so sure I've fallen into this habit, but Ms. Holt warns "it's a sign you've lost interest." I've seen this in books I've read, and often wonder the purpose of phrases that do nothing to propel the story and really add nothing to the plot. I suspect they may not really indicate a lost interest, rather are the author's attempt to reach a mandated word count. *smile*

3. Empty Adverbs:
Boy, I'm trying to break this habit, and it isn't easy. Examples: actually, totally, absolutely, completely, continually, constantly, literally, really..) The list goes on and on, and for story telling, they seem appropriate, but replacing 'ly' words with stronger verbs is the answer in fiction writing. Of course, 'ly' words have a place. If you eliminate all, your writing will become too stiff. There's a secret here and I'm trying to uncover it. I think I've made progress.

4. Phony Dialogue:
What I gleaned from Ms. Holt is the need to make your characters unique. We all have distinct voices and habits, so try to convey those to the reader rather than have everyone sound alike. Speak with a unique voice for each character by not using the same phrasing, and make the dialogue realistic. Stop and think....would my character really say that?

5. Suffixes:
As with 'ly' and 'ing' words, some 'ness' words sprinkled into the story have a place, but adding so many that a reader has to stop and absorb them or re-read is not a good sign. Examples: mindlessness, courageousness. Another habit we slip into is often adding 'ly' to 'ing' words in our descriptive tags...often described as "Tom Swiftees.: Poor example, but the best I can come up with: "That was a refreshing dip," the boy said, swimingly. If I do this, I'm certainly not aware of it.

6. To Be Words:
This has been a toughie for me. 'To be' words slow the pace of your writing and often move it to passive rather than unveiling the story in the present. 'Am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been...' are common examples, but of course cannot all be eliminated. The secret is finding a happy medium.

7. Lists:
I don't believe I fall into his habit anymore, but I sure have read the work of several authors, especially newbies who have. An example would be trying to 'list' everything on a buffet table. Before you name everything, the reader is yawning and may have tossed the book aside. "Cecile's stomach rumbled as she gazed at the eggs, potatoes, hot rolls, oatmeal, toast, jelly, butter, bananas, apples, pears,plums, and pots of hot coffee and tea on the table." Listing a little to give the reader is a much better idea...maybe her mouth watered at the hot baked bread, and then let the reader smell it by describing the smell of yeast.

8. Show Don't Tell:
Oh, Lord, have I come a long way on this one. I actually 'get' the concept. When I completed and submitted my first manuscript, my editor said, "You've written a beautiful story. Now we have to make it into a novel." I wondered at her meaning, but until you weave in the smells, emotions, actions by drawing the reader in and allowing them the experience, you really have only TOLD a story. The secret is SHOWING so when your heroine cries, so does the reader. Let the wind caress the reader's face, let them smell the flowers, feel the slap. If you aren't there yet, believe me, some editor will help you along. *big grin*

9. Awkward Phrasing:
I think the best rule of thumb is KISS (keep it simple, stupid.) If you are writing a sentence so long and so strangely worded that it requires more than one reading, you've failed this test. I believe I used to do this, but now I've learned from many editorial whippings to shorten sentences for emphasis and ease of comprehension. No reader likes to get to the end of a long drawn out sentence and scratch their head. Unless of course they have dandruff. *lol*

10. Commas:
Speaking of scratching one's head... this one has me stumped. Just when I think I understand and follow the written rules of good punctuation, a publishing house decides to try to eliminate commas. I guess you have to follow your publishing guidelines, but my belief is: If you have two sentences joined together with 'and or but' you need a comma, and if there is a natural pause, a comma is called for. Commas also clarify things for the reader when one word follows another and doesn't make sense if read together without a pause. My mind is too numb from all these rules to give you an example, but I think you understand.

So...I encourage you to go back to the link and read Ms. Holt's full post, and Jen's too. The examples are all helpful and encourage continued learning. I know I benefited from reading them and I'm happy to pass along the wisdom.

Navigating Through The Jungle That Is Promotion-Part 1

I have five windows open on my laptop right now. Six if you count my current WIP.

-Yahoo Mail

-this Blogger post

-Twitter

-Facebook

-YouTube

Every single one is among the promotional tools that I use, yes even YouTube and I'll tell you why later.

I've wanted to be a writer since I was a young girl and I thought that my job was simply to write the thing and send it off to get published. All my favorite authors were these glamorous figures who did talk shows and radio interviews. I figured the publisher took care of all of that and I thought it was a perk of being a successful writer, I didn't see it as the authors actively working to sell their books.

As I grew older and read more about the writing life I was surprised to find out there were whole sections on 'selling your writing' and they weren't talking about just selling to publishers. They were talking about selling to readers.

Did they mean self publishing? Nope.

The fact is, if you want readers, you have to go get them or at least make it easy for them to find you. Even the big NY publishing house writers know this. That's why you'll see Nora Roberts, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Lisa Kleypas, Julia Quinn on groups and blogs. These are some of the most successful writers today and yet they know that the romance market accounts for over 50% of all books sold. Those are a lot of books. Those are alot of authors competing for your hard earned money. If these big names don't keep themselves out there, accesible to their readers and constantly promoting themselves, there are any number of newbie authors coming up the ranks to take their place.

For a smaller publisher's author, promotion is even more vital. Your publisher simply may not have the ability to promote you on the same scale as the bigger houses. The majority of the promotional work falls to you.

Now chances are you don't have the ability to promote yourself the way they big houses do either.

Enter the gift from the Gods called The Internet.

I started my career as a fanfic writer. I would write purely for pleasure, stories based on my favorite tv shows or movies and I would join communities and boards that focused on these shows. I was surprised to find that these places had fanfic sections where I could post chapters and people would give feedback. Instant reader/writer interaction. Invaluable. I still write fanfiction and these readers have followed me onto my original fiction course as well. Thanks to fanfiction, I have a built in readership to buy my books.

Which leads me to YouTube. The tool of procrastinators everywhere, or so it may seem on the surface. My YouTube profile has information about me and that I'm a writer and my author website. So as I'm browsing around on YouTube watching fun videos from laughing babies to soap opera montages, everytime I comment, my username is visible and they can click on that and be taken to my YouTube profile where my writing info is. Everytime I get friended on YouTube, there's one more person who's been to my profile and knows I'm a writer. Will all of them buy my books? Likely not, but a few of them might get curious and click on my website link and learn more about what I have available, something might intrigue them and boom, there's a sale I wouldnt have had it if I wasn't 'wasting time' on YouTube.

Then there's Facebook. I'll be honest, I was ambivalent about Facebook at first. I had one, but didn't really use it much. Then as I began interacting with other writers on groups, I would check out their FB pages and realized how many writers were on FB and how we could all interact and boost each other's sales. The first few weeks I began to more actively participate on FB, my novella Redemption by Amira Press shot in to the top 10 bestsellers. Was that because of FB? It would seem so.

I'm a newbie to Twitter but I'm loving it. It's a fantastic medium to connect with, in little bite size pieces readers and writers not to mention friends and fellow fangirls who love the same shows that I do. Again, my writing info is on my profile page and when people decide they want to follow me, they see that info and can check out my website.

I'm a blog junkie. Blogs are wonderful tools to share pieces of yourself and promote your writing to the world. I adore reading writer's blogs and learning about their lives and writing processes. Through commenting and interaction you build up relationships with these writers and guess what? A lot of writers will have guest spots where fellow authors can promote their releases. So if you're reading a blog, ask if you can be a featured author and make sure to pay it forward and allow them or another author to be featured on yours.

I don't think I have to tell you how powerful a tool e-mail can be for a writer. Honestly, I don't know how writers got along with out it before. Through e-mail you can talk to readers, do business with your publisher and/or agent, work on edits, submit work and joing e-mail groups or loops as I've recently learned they are called. I was a part of a few groups that were fandom based and these again, became fans of my original work so again, instant fanbase. Then when I started to join writing groups, it was like this wave of promotional goodness, excerpts, chat days, contests all of it came right to my inbox.

So that's a little (or not so little) peek into the tools available to you to promote your writing. Look for the second part coming next month!

You can find me at www.ejamie.net
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/profile.php?id=855670581&ref=profile
Twitter: http://twitter.com/nancy777ca
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/workinmypjs
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/nancy777ca
And at My Publisher Amira Press's Website as E.Jamie at www.amirapress.com

Goals: Friend or Foe

I'm a planner.

I organize a large craft bazaar every year that brings in three hundred people, live music, over 50 vendors, and workshops. I love it.

I also like to PLAN goals.

Follow through? Not so much. But here I have my very first book deadline looming on the horizon, so I better follow through or my butt's in a sling. I don't think I won't make it, but it shakes my boots, so to speak, to put what I HAVE to do down on paper.

So, this week, I'm writing 3 pages a day. Baby steps. This is a 25K novella after all, which is halfway done. Next week, it's ten pages (yikes). And for someone who took a writing hiatus for two years, this shivers me timbers.

How does it work for you? Do you find that planning an outline of goals keeps you on track or veers you off the path? Just curious.